About a week ago my husband looked at me and said
“I don’t feel like I am really bonding with S.”
Huh? I admit I had not been paying attention to his relationship with S. I was so busy focusing on my relationship with her. Feeding her, soothing her, figuring out what worked for her and I.
The next day I started thinking about his comment and it suddenly hit me. Of course he wasn’t bonding with S as much as he had bonded with C. While pregnant and during the first year of C’s life I was in school for my MBA. This meant driving an hour both ways two nights a week for a 3 1/2 hours class and hours each week studying. He had plenty of time with C. But with S I was always around.
I brought that to his attention that night when he got home from work and he agreed that him not having alone time with S was causing him to just not develop the same relationship. So that night we decided that I would pump for the last bottle of the night. That way he could feed her one bottle and it would enable me to get a little bit of extra sleep. Double bonus! It worked out well and we were slowly on our way.
Then he looked at me a few days later and said
“Maybe you should go out a night or two a week for an hour or so and I can get a little bit of extra time with her.”
Ummm, okay. I felt like it was a trick. My husband was asking me to go out? So I decided to put together a very last minute dinner with a couple of friends. Two were able to come and suddenly I had dinner plans! Dan got home from work and off I went to dinner (S is on a very predictable schedule so I didn’t even have to give him any instructions).
I got in the car and instantly felt a little bit of pep come into me. I rolled the windows down and turned the music up and just felt a little free. Of course I would miss my babies but it felt good to feel a little more “me”.
At dinner I had a margarita. On a Monday night! Without kids! I had grown up conversations that didn’t 100% revolve around kids (one of the girls has a baby but the other does not so I didn’t want it to be all kid talk for her). It felt good to be out of the mom zone for a little bit. To just let lose and feel a little more like Amanda a person versus Amanda “only a mom”.
I don’t want this to come off as though I hate my time at home. I love it. So much that I have a hard time leaving it. But I realized something last night. Those nights out with my friends, the nights where I can just feel a little more like “me” as an independent person, they make me a better mother and wife. They make me happier and more vibrant. So while it may be hard to leave in the end it is a positive thing for everyone. I am already looking forward to the next night out even if it is for a short walk or jog with a friend. I also realized that I need to return the favor and allow him that time away as well. So today he is at a lunch with friends versus coming home to spend the time with Sienna and I. And I am completely okay with that. In order for us to be happier as a couple we need that balance. It doesn’t matter how much time we spend together for if we don’t have that time apart to do our own thing we don’t grow.
Join in! What do you do if you are a mom to feel a little more like “you”? Can you relate to the need to have a little independence?